Behind The Bliss

BUT FIRST, coffee A DISCLAIMER.
(The below is not the subject of this letter; I’m just giving you a bit of context)

A few years ago, watching successful business women made my jaw tense, reminding me of all the things I wasn’t. A few years later, it was people with nice homes. Right now, it’s mothers and children. 

Because after pondering motherhood, I have decided that maybe not after all, as a way to stop rolling the ball of maybe later forward in the future because, at this point, it is starting to become as unrealistic as it is embarrassing.

It is time to bury the idea once and for all, and to deal with the actually neverthat I hadn’t allowed myself to utter since my first period, which occurred, may I remind you, 36 years ago.

Just because you decide you don’t want something doesn’t mean you won’t feel grief for what could have been. It was time to let myself be sad. I knew I needed to go through it, even if it meant moments like looking at mothers on Instagram with tears in my eyes.

B…