Getting Older Is Amazing

I’m having a blast, aren’t you?

Recently I’ve found myself thinking very weird thoughts that should stay exactly where they are, tucked away in a dark corner of my mind… Which is why I thought I’d share them with you.

I’m getting older, and I am questioning my place in the world. I’m not talking about my spiritual life, my intellectual quests or any other worthy pursuits. I’m talking about my hotness. Which is why…

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…I am very mad at the British weather.

As if it wasn’t difficult enough to be on the stairway to fifty, where everything becomes A JOB (your hair, your complexion, your silhouette), the age where beauty is a hobby no more and where self-care becomes a chore—I decided to move to England, where—someone needs to say it—the lighting is garbage.

Anytime I take a selfie, no matter how much I sunflower (the older you get, the more you need to sunflower—that is, aim your face towards the strongest and highest source of light. It’s the only way to tame your under-eye bags and erase your jowls.)(What? I don’t have jow…