The Note #56
A Thought on Mother's Day
I was at a dinner recently, where everyone was chatting about their children—showing photos, debating schools. It’s always a bit awkward finding yourself in these circles when you're not a mother.
You never quite know what to say.
Eventually, someone always asks if you have kids, and when you say you don’t, you can literally feel the discomfort, see people searching for ways to include you in the conversation.
But it’s truly okay. I believe that if we want to be happy and at ease in life—in other words, to be free—we must be okay with occasional discomfort, allowing ourselves to be the odd one out sometimes. I would never want people to feel they can't talk openly about their kids just because I don't have any.
Interestingly, I recently received a newsletter from Mecca, the beauty retailer, offering an option to opt out of Mother’s Day emails. They’re not the first ones to do it, but I found this thoughtful, and it gave me pause. At a certain point, I probably would have chosen to opt out.
But now, I prefer to take life as it comes—and to celebrate the mothers around me.
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At that same dinner, a woman asked if I was a stepmother. When I said yes, she immediately asked how it was going, sharing that she too was a stepmother and it wasn't always easy.
I replied that it was going well, that my stepdaughters are wonderful. It’s not always easy—but I try to model my stepmothering after my own stepfather, who has been stellar since the day we met, about thirty-five years ago.
In that moment, I realized something: today, I love my stepfather just as deeply as my father. They are two very different men, each an essential part of who I am.
That moved me deeply.
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I'm wishing everyone a peaceful Mother’s Day season. They all fall on different dates depending on where you live, which means on social media, Mother's Day posts seem to keep coming. So in truth, no matter how much we might want to opt out, it’s nearly impossible to escape it entirely.
If this season feels uncomfortable or complicated for you, remember that behind the perfect photos and heartfelt tributes often lie complex and layered stories. And remember, too, that love is a beautiful, mysterious thing—one that often comes wrapped in ways we wouldn’t expect—and couldn’t really photograph.
I’ll be here, standing with you with my complicated feelings. You’re not alone!
And, by the way, we have our live today, if you’d like we could talk about motherhood, and non-motherhood, and all the things in between! See below to know how to join 🤍
My last Letter was about my “stills”—still living in Paris, still not fitting in, still being quite a bit of a mess… Well, find more there 😉
Do you remember when I said that I wanted to update my look? My last Note was just about that.
Our last Live was about friendships! For those who couldn’t make it, follow the link to watch!
We’re meeting today, April 9th at the usual 6pm Paris time! To be able to join our future lives, download the app below and let me know if you need help!
At Doré, we launched a fantastic serum! It took four years to make it, and it’s absolutely perfect.
Big kisses and have a great day!!!
As an older/elderly woman who is child-free, I love this post. Maybe it's me but my sense is that you are growing into your innate wisdom, Garance. Kuddos from this octogenarian who is 'Jung at heart.'
Mothers Day conversations are also awkward when you're estranged from your mother. All the "my mother is my best friend," or "you'll miss her when she's gone," or "you only get one mom and you should reconcile," all fall flat when you have a Great Value brand Joan Crawford/Mommy Dearest with unchecked mental health issues, narccistic personality disorder and addictions. But not too many people are ready to have that conversation . While I do have kids, mothers day is still a touchy subject.