The Sense Of Self

I am writing you from a little cabin with a view on the New Zealand bush. In the distance, the ocean. It’s early in the morning, I am sitting at my desk with a coffee. It’s so quiet around, you’d think the birds are not awake yet. The sky is grey.

This little cabin is nothing really. It’s my new studio, the little place I carved for myself in this world, my room of my own. It’s my paradise.

________

The melt away.

I was always like a child.

I always had incredibly soft boundaries - I didn’t know where I started and the others ended. My family, then my friends into whom I melted and who melted in me. For years, my best friend and I shared a home and a bedroom and a closet. I never felt like I needed more.

With friends it mattered more who we were as a collective than who I was as a person. We’d feed off of each other, like a creature with many heads. It gave us a sense of belonging, a home.

I followed and embraced their energy as if it was mine. I gave myself without restraint. I was easy and…