The Note #63

I Have A Theory On Everything: The Friendship Freeze.

Me sharing theories. Coat, glasses, earrings, necklace, tank top, lipstick!

I was walking along the river in Paris, on the phone with a friend heartbroken over the end of a friendship.

She didn’t understand what had happened. Someone she used to speak to every day had slowly withdrawn without a word. No explanation. So painful. All she wanted, she said, was an answer. Why? Why? Why?

And I thought: this has been done to me.
And I’ve done it to others.

I’ve left people’s lives on tiptoe, knowing they’d notice, but wanting to slip away without making a scene. I wanted peace more than I wanted to be understood.

Sometimes, when paths diverge, giving people time—or even, giving them the freedom to step away—is wiser than forcing heavy conversations. When feelings are tangled, words can do more harm than silence.

Also I have to be honest: I find deep emotional conversations exhausting and rarely productive.

I used to obsess over relationships, trying to make sense of any tiny change. Now, I’m okay with not knowing. With letting people be. With the possibility of not being liked. Sure, I might get upset and vent with another friend a little (I’m not an angel), but truly I respect their journey. Relationships aren’t always about right or wrong. They’re also about timing.

I call it putting a relationship in the freezer. Just let it rest for a while. I’ve had friendships stay frozen for years—then thaw, unexpectedly, into something new, sometimes deeper, sometimes lighter. Each time, I’m so happy that no bad words were said—because after a few years, all that’s left is usually love.

So voilà. If you’re going through something like this, maybe don’t torture yourself looking for answers. Let life make space for what’s next. People change. Things shift. Don’t overthink it. Just freeze it for now, and let it be.

That was my theory. What do you think? Big kisses!!!

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In my last Letter, I wrote about life changes, everything being new, messy, and scary, and coming to a point of “what have I doooone!”—but leaning into it anyway.

In my last Note, I wrote about my favorite sweaters for fall—quite relevant except—ahem—when I’m in Morocco.

In our last Live, we talked about the price of wanting more, which is literally what I am exploring right now, argh!!! ;)

Let’s meet again on Tuesday, October 28th, at 6pm Paris time. I can’t wait to see you!

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