The Note #39
I’ll Find You
Yesterday, I was reminded of a sentence that a man I was dating kept telling me. It would go like this:
Him: “Want to hang out tomorrow?”
Me: “Sure, when?”
Him: “Don’t worry, I’ll find you.”
—
WHAT THE F$&@%K! Can you believe that, terrified of being seen as uncool (I don’t even have the excuse of being young, I was in my early fourties!!!), I would let that guy take my whole day hostage. Because “I’ll find you” might sound sexy and mysterious, but it mostly meant that he would text me at the last minute, or just ring at my door anytime. And, sometimes, not at all.
This was driving me completely mad, obviously. With set ups such as “I’ll find you,” you either kick him out of your life (that’s the healthy option) or become a bunny boiler (the option I chose).
“I’ll find you” meant that I was ready at any moment. That I would clear my schedule. OR WORSE, that I would do things specifically so that when he would finally “find me,” he would be finding me “living my best life.”
Of course, today, from the safe harbour of domestic love I am sending this to you, this sounds completely insane. But this is just a note that if you’re going through anything resembling this type of dynamic, you know exactly what to do.
Tell him he can find you in another life.
And don’t feel ashamed if you don’t follow my advice. I was you, I get it. Sometimes, we need to live through things to understand them. Sometimes, more than once. Just know that you’re not alone.
And that one day, someone will come, who will say “I’ll come pick you up at seven.”
And by that time, hopefully, you’ll be ready.
In my last Letter, I told you all about the pitfalls of having to live like a digital nomad, and the beauty meltdowns this type of life has lead me to…
In the last Note, I wrote about my baroque pearls and where I found them!
In the last live, we talked about about aging, hair loss and more!
We’re meeting again tomorrow, on Wednesday the 31st, at 6pm Auckland time. Check your timezone here! I can’t wait to see you!!!
If you don’t know how to join our lives, learn more here and let me know if you have any questions!
Doré has launched at Ulta Beauty!!! You can find us online and in more than 600 stores in the US!
If there are any topics you would like me to write about in future Notes, let me know here!
Big hugs and have a fantastic day!
I love that. I was married to a similar idea, it was marriage based on convenience to my partner. Being divorced at 51 was definitely not fun, wish I would’ve done that” find me in another life. “ Will just continue living my best life until someone comes who is ready for domestic love. Good advice Garance, thank you for reminder : )
yes I dated a man like that once, he would say he would come by and would not and I wasted about 4 months on him then I kicked him to the curb. his dumb self was still calling texting me three years later so I blocked him. you are right it sounds sexy but at the time I was frantic and didn't make any plans and was always waiting for him. One day he and I had no plans so I went out to do something I wanted and he stopped by and the narcissist was angry I was not there waiting for him to decide to drop by. Ridiculous. I am with someone now who treats me like a queen, I found though I needed to value myself and feel worthy of being treated with love and respect and that I deserved someone who will make plans and keep them and treat me right.